Tag Archives: Relationships

Office relationships: A born killer

I wonder if anyone has ever killed their spouse because of working together?

It’s been just over a month since I starting working with my husband, and even after such a short period of time, I can now fully understand how easy it is to have murderous thoughts.

There are couples who can mesh their home and work lives seamlessly and successfully, then there are couples who just can’t make both work simultaneously. I was hoping that the latter would not be true in our case, yet the signs are clearly on the wall.  Peace has grown wings and taken flight, leaving us to snarl, snap and bicker with each other at will.

Love aside

The problems we experienced with each other at home has cascaded into our working environment.  Only now I feel like there is no reprise, no space to escape and no time to gain any perspective.  We are in each other’s hair 24/7 with no distinction between work and play.

To reiterate, I do love my husband dearly. Although our relationship has been tumultuous and challenging from the get-go, it has been rewarding.  We have found – and continue to find – ways to make our personal relationship work despite our differences.  So, given that we are still exploring means and ways to live together harmoniously, I have to consider that perhaps I was too quick to think it would be plain sailing to also work together?

Bad timing has its own part to play.  While we’ve always talked about me coming to work in his business, we planned it for a year or two down the line.  The surprise of my retrenchment put a spanner in the works and bullied us into pushing our plans forward.  Subsequently, I’m convinced all of this has made my husband question his sanity in suggesting we work together in the first place!

Boundaries and truces

Marriage Equality

Marriage Equality (Photo credit: charlesfettinger)

I read somewhere that husbands and wives who work together have to apply the same rules that exist in their marriages to how they work together. For example, if the couple see each other as equal partners in the marriage, well then they have to be equal partners in the workplace – a manager/sub-ordinate relationship just wouldn’t work in this case.

Defining boundaries and setting the grounds for a mutually beneficial working experience is tantamount to success.

We didn’t do these things.  That leaves us having to take ten steps back in order to move a few steps forward again. I’m now on the verge of a new dilemma:  do I admit defeat and sell my soul by heading back into the corporate working world to save my marriage, or do I continue to try to make a success of our working arrangement which would mean having to wave the white flag and suck it up in the hope of things eventually getting better? This fork in the road is a new twist for sure; I only wish I had a crystal ball to make the choice easier.

Tie him up – the kinky side of bondage

I have a dirty little secret; something that took me quite by surprise!  Why? Well, I’ve always been rather conservative – especially on the topic of sex. Until recently, I had never actually watched a porn movie, owned a sex toy or gone to a strip club.

Lately though, or maybe it’s just because the veil has been lifted from my eyes, but everyone seems to be focused rather singularly on this particular topic.  Sex is a buzzing topic in the blogosphere, and the sex industry is surging with re-newed gusto.

 Sex sells! Duh! Of course it does!

Just this past weekend, thousands of people – young and old – attended the annual Health, Sexuality & Lifestyle Expo, Sexpo, in Johannesburg. 

South Africans are stereotypically quite old-fashioned.  So it amuses me when, as soon as Sexpo opens its door, people seem to liberally and proudly embrace and parade their sexuality while wearing headbands with illuminated male genitalia and bondage ropes for added affect.

Every year Sexpo has catered to people’s cravings for sex fantasies and eroticism. Couples in their droves look for that perfect little item of entertainment to keep things interesting in the bedroom. But this year, something new sparked and caught fire at the Sexpo:  S&M and bondage.

English: rope bondage made and shot by french ...

Sex and bondage in the industry has always seemed to go hand-in-hand, so while it’s not anything new, this year’s exhibition mirrored the growing interest South Africans have in exploring and experiencing bondage.

Clearly fluffy pink handcuffs aren’t cutting it anymore!  Now metal hooks, chains, whips and leather masks are tickling people’s fancies.

Embracing the kinky side

Obviously, there is a fine line between keeping a relationship spicy in the sex department and crossing over to the darker side of perversion. 

Erotic illustration

In a committed relationship and marriage, we are meant to enjoy sex.  If a leather corset and studded hooker heels catches your man’s attention, then why not put on a show for him!  Likewise, if a woman wants to playfully tie her man up and use a feather or a soft cat o’ nine tails to drive him into a frenzy, then so be it.

I however draw the line at hanging from butcher-like hooks inserted in the skin and being whipped black and blue.  It just doesn’t sound like fun!

Dirty secrets

So what’s this dirty little secret I’ve alluded to? 

Let me put it this way:  the soft pink leather wrist cuffs and matching neck choker definitely caught my attention! ;)

The last romantic – part 1

Since my early childhood, I’ve been in love with the notion of being in love.

I blame two factors for this old-fashioned romantic frame of mind, the first of which can be attributed to the warm and fuzzy fairy tales of damsels in distress and knights in shining armour told to many a young girl.

English: : Prince Charming meets Cinderella in...My generation, and that of my mother’s and my grandmother’s, have grown up reading these soppy stories. “Happily ever after” is a guarantee and all we need to do is wait patiently for the hero to ride up on his powerful steed and sweep us off our feet.

The second factor to blame is of course Hollywood! I echo the sentiments of my fellow blogger, Laughing.Loving.Eating: “Hollywood: you lie!”. All those classic Doris Day, Judy Garland, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies of yesteryear have taken their toll. I become all soft and mushy at the mere suggestion of a man courting a woman. My mind conjures up thoughts of elaborate romantic gestures, public declarations of undying love and perfect moments of pure bliss.

No-one prepared me for the harsh reality of love and relationships. It’s the thirteenth fairy tale never told to little girls: Prince Charming sometimes never arrives, and if he does he’s often late for his appointment.

Relationships are hard work and very seldom a bed of roses. This is what I’ve learnt in my thirty-five years:

  1. Love is an ideal concept characterised by feelings only. Real love is a choice – every morning on waking, you make a choice to love your husband/partner.
  2. Compromise and communication are two key pillars in a relationship. Without either of these, a relationship will never reach its full potential.
  3. Complacency and apathy are stealthy relationship assassins. It takes daily effort to keep a relationship fresh, exciting and harmonious.
  4. Sex can be likened to a candle: the flame burns bright and strong at the beginning of a relationship, but eventually dies down to a small, warm glow … which still, by the way, lightens a room.
  5. Every man has a knight in shining armour in him, but is far from a knight in shining armour.
  6. A husband/partner should never be expected to emotionally fulfil a woman completely. A woman needs good friends to share her life with and a support structure in family and friends to keep her strong and balanced.
  7. A relationship is not defined by how great the good times are, but how you get through the bad times.
  8. A husband/partner doesn’t need to know everything! Sometimes, what you think is insignificant or of no consequence, could actually hurt him or create insecurity if he knows.
  9. You don’t need to do everything together. Having your own interests, style, hobbies, friends etc. is healthy.
  10. Most importantly, learning to love your husband/partner in the way he understands – and vice versa – will make the biggest positive impact in any relationship. Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” is truly an eye opener.
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