Is it only me who feels that this year has been a very long and very emotionally taxing one?
2012 has not been easy. Lots of things have happened this year – perhaps too much. Add to that hours of personal analytical contemplation and you have the typical ‘year-drawing-to-an-end’ emotional exhaustion. Sadly, dear readers, this little Teatart is tired, stale and well beyond its best-before date.
What makes times like these so difficult is the absence of my father. My dad was always my ‘Mr Fix-it”, a walking library of solutions to life’s problems, my ever-constant rock. Besides simply being my father, he was also a stand-in mother and my primary care-giver for the duration of my early years. His passing left a huge void in my life akin to a gaping chasm.
Only last year I learnt through therapy that this is an underlying reason for my attraction to certain men. I apparently subconsciously seek out men who I consider as being able to fill that father figure gap – however unhealthy that may sound! Only now can I recognise that my first husband actually took on the vacant father figure role as the person who provided me with the stability, security and affection I needed. Only now can I see that the end of our marriage therefore represented far more than just the termination of a husband-wife relationship – I lost another person I depended on.
The human psyche is indeed complex. We endeavour to deal with various tragedies and painful life experiences in unique ways. In my case, the loss of my father, who was my pillar of strength, was perceived as the ultimate rejection. The result is that I have sought out what could only be deemed as inappropriate friendships with men. To explain: my male friends are incredibly affectionate, caring and loyal. Their friendship means a great deal to me. Yet I realise that I have overstepped the boundaries of friendship in an ill attempt to fill the ‘fatherless’ gap. As a married woman, constantly hugging another man and sitting on his lap is most certainly not deemed proper behaviour – no matter how innocent the intentions!
While all this self-analysis and the subsequent flood of emotions have left me spent, I am now better equipped to practise more discretion in my selection of male friends, and in my dealings with them. I also have a wonderful support network of good friends, a loving husband and a caring mother to help me – what more could a girl need in overcoming her daddy issues?
- Daddy Issues: Marvel’s Most Twisted Father-Son Dynamics (newsarama.com)
- I Aintcha Daddy! (madamnatur.com)
- Making Peace With My Daddy Issues (theroot.com)
- You: Study finds that teens’ relationships with their dads affects their sexual behavior. And not just in West Virginia, either [Obvious] (fark.com)