Tag Archives: Intimate relationship

Office relationships: A born killer

I wonder if anyone has ever killed their spouse because of working together?

It’s been just over a month since I starting working with my husband, and even after such a short period of time, I can now fully understand how easy it is to have murderous thoughts.

There are couples who can mesh their home and work lives seamlessly and successfully, then there are couples who just can’t make both work simultaneously. I was hoping that the latter would not be true in our case, yet the signs are clearly on the wall.  Peace has grown wings and taken flight, leaving us to snarl, snap and bicker with each other at will.

Love aside

The problems we experienced with each other at home has cascaded into our working environment.  Only now I feel like there is no reprise, no space to escape and no time to gain any perspective.  We are in each other’s hair 24/7 with no distinction between work and play.

To reiterate, I do love my husband dearly. Although our relationship has been tumultuous and challenging from the get-go, it has been rewarding.  We have found – and continue to find – ways to make our personal relationship work despite our differences.  So, given that we are still exploring means and ways to live together harmoniously, I have to consider that perhaps I was too quick to think it would be plain sailing to also work together?

Bad timing has its own part to play.  While we’ve always talked about me coming to work in his business, we planned it for a year or two down the line.  The surprise of my retrenchment put a spanner in the works and bullied us into pushing our plans forward.  Subsequently, I’m convinced all of this has made my husband question his sanity in suggesting we work together in the first place!

Boundaries and truces

Marriage Equality

Marriage Equality (Photo credit: charlesfettinger)

I read somewhere that husbands and wives who work together have to apply the same rules that exist in their marriages to how they work together. For example, if the couple see each other as equal partners in the marriage, well then they have to be equal partners in the workplace – a manager/sub-ordinate relationship just wouldn’t work in this case.

Defining boundaries and setting the grounds for a mutually beneficial working experience is tantamount to success.

We didn’t do these things.  That leaves us having to take ten steps back in order to move a few steps forward again. I’m now on the verge of a new dilemma:  do I admit defeat and sell my soul by heading back into the corporate working world to save my marriage, or do I continue to try to make a success of our working arrangement which would mean having to wave the white flag and suck it up in the hope of things eventually getting better? This fork in the road is a new twist for sure; I only wish I had a crystal ball to make the choice easier.

The big bang theory of physical intimacy

It’s a theory.  Only a little theory.  And if I tell you, you will have to be sworn to secrecy.

Before you protest, I assure you that all this ‘cloak and dagger’ is indeed necessary.  What I am about to share with you is both sensitive and controversial in nature.  Men will be appalled. Women may be shocked. So ask yourself, are you prepared – really prepared – to hear a blunt nugget of truth?

Yes?  Fine, consider yourself forewarned.

The censored topic is this:  men haven’t really bought into the whole ‘women have equal rights’ thing. I am not referring to some of the renowned Middle East countries and the view that women are second class citizens.  In this particular instance, I am looking at men and women in established western societies.

For years now women have been able to vote, to hold management positions etc. etc. Most men have seemed more than accepting of this. I would go so far as to say that men happily pronounce that a woman’s body and mind is her own to commandeer as she sees fit.

I have listened to men state emphatically that nothing is more refreshing than a confident and self-assured woman who knows what she wants – especially under the sheets! In relationships, many a man’s ideal woman has been described as someone who is comfortable in her own skin and can also be the initiator or aggressor when it comes to physical intimacy

But what men say they want and what they really want couldn’t be more different!

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...

In my humble opinion (and I reiterate that I am the queen of stereotypical perspectives), men are actually overwhelmed and intimidated by a woman who fits the abovementioned profile. He feels insecure and pressurised when he is no longer the person in control, scared off by her intensity and seemingly belittled by her perceived demand for intimacy.

It’s neither a black nor white scenario.  Rather a large expanse of grey which means that, for now, women like me will remain in limbo – torn between being true to ourselves and trying to ultimately please our male partner.

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