Tag Archives: hormones

Sweaty armpits and BO crimes against humanity

What’s that smell? Amazingly, as soon as we smell something stinky, our first reaction is to take a deeper whiff!  And that’s just what I did! Standing in the isle of my local grocery store, breathing in deeply while taking a quick look around to try to pinpoint the source of the stench.

My brain is working at 6000 revs per minute to solve the odour crime against humanity.  An internal dialogue takes place in literally one-tenth of a second.

“Is the stench a silent but deadly fart?”
“No …”

Stinky feet?”
“Nobody has their shoes off …”

“Smelly perfume?”
“Hmmmm, close …”

“Body odour?”
BINGO!

 

verschiedene Deodorants

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The culprit is a young man standing behind me in the isle gazing forlornly at the neatly stacked cans of deodorant.  Clearly he’s come to the right section, but golly gosh, why did he leave it for so long? The body odour (BO) is so bad that my eyes are actually watering!

Once I’ve grabbed my husband and the trolley and dart around the corner, I instantly feel guilty. Some people do have a problem with excessive sweating and body odour. In fact, I myself have been experiencing some … er … problems in the armpit arena (blush).

My sweaty tale of woe started when I went off the contraceptive pill last year. I had been on the pill, without a break, since I was 17.  However, with plans to prepare my body to start a family, I decided to go off the pill at the ripe age of 34.

Little did I know what horrors were awaiting me.  Besides developing an oily skin with pimple breakouts that is reminiscence of my teens, the worst was the change in my natural body scent. Suddenly my deodorants, roll-ons and perfumes didn’t smell so kosher.  I was definitely perspiring a lot more too. I was mortified. I had never, never had a problem with how I smelt and yet, there I was, an honorary member of the BO Offenders.

One year has passed, and truthfully I’m still battling to find a suitable antiperspirant. I’ve found one deodorant that seems to work better than the rest and thankfully, any armpit aromas are limited to one week a month, which is linked to when I am ovulating.

Over and above carrying my trusty deo can in my handbag, Ive done a little research on the subject of BO due to hormonal changes.  Apparently supplements such as a combination of Vitamin B and Magnesium, or Zinc and Magnesium, may just help my little problem. The article I read also suggested Chlorophyll tablets. As an added precaution, I need to curb my soaring coffee intake as caffeine is an alleged BO accomplice.

Maybe I should’ve passed this good advice onto that poor young man in the grocery store?   Somehow though, I dont think hormones are the cause of his troubles.  Im sure a good bath and a strong antiperspirant will easily solve his problem.

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Dirty thirties: women’s sexual revolution?

There must be something wrong with me! What other conclusion can I draw? I was sitting at a busy intersection on my way to work when a Suzuki bike pulled up alongside my car. I’ve grown up around motorcycles – in fact, I was riding on one before I ever drove in a car! My dad was a BMW motorbike enthusiast who spend every waking moment of his spare time re-building, tinkering and tweaking bikes. So the fact that I can’t tell you what model of Suzuki bike this was, only that the tank was a metallic midnight blue, should prove that my attention was elsewhere directed to the rider’s yummy butt in tight blue jeans.

Besides drooling over the butts of random bikers, I’ve found myself more and more enamoured with the form of the male species. Not that I wasn’t before of course, but lately I feel like a horny teenager who doesn’t quite know how to handle her raging hormones.

Just the other night my husband and I were watching some army documentary on TV. The story follows a group of UK infantry recruits as they embark on a rigorous 12-week training programme in preparation for deployment in Afghanistan. Let me clarify: this is a group of scrawny, lily-white youngsters, most of whom look too young to even be shaving! As their combat training advances, these young guys really start to buff-up. Eventually, over my “oohs” and “aahs” at the growing six-packs and bicep muscles, my husband paused the programme playback to give me a rather stern look in silent warning to keep my opinions to myself.

There’s something to be said about a woman in her thirties (they don’t call it the dirty or naughty thirties without reason). I’m at the age where I’m no longer shy to talk about sex. I’ve made peace with my size 12 figure, and I know exactly what I want and need in the bedroom. I like sex, and right now my libido is at an all time high. My poor husband even has to hide his private bits and bobs in case my sex drive kicks into overdrive and I ambush him in the bathroom.

I honestly thought that a man would be overjoyed at the prospect of his wife wanting sex 24/7, but, as I’m politely told, that’s not always the case. So, while I allow myself to dream of steamy and x-rated encounters, I’m considering the option of a really good vibrator ;)

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