The big bang theory of physical intimacy

It’s a theory.  Only a little theory.  And if I tell you, you will have to be sworn to secrecy.

Before you protest, I assure you that all this ‘cloak and dagger’ is indeed necessary.  What I am about to share with you is both sensitive and controversial in nature.  Men will be appalled. Women may be shocked. So ask yourself, are you prepared – really prepared – to hear a blunt nugget of truth?

Yes?  Fine, consider yourself forewarned.

The censored topic is this:  men haven’t really bought into the whole ‘women have equal rights’ thing. I am not referring to some of the renowned Middle East countries and the view that women are second class citizens.  In this particular instance, I am looking at men and women in established western societies.

For years now women have been able to vote, to hold management positions etc. etc. Most men have seemed more than accepting of this. I would go so far as to say that men happily pronounce that a woman’s body and mind is her own to commandeer as she sees fit.

I have listened to men state emphatically that nothing is more refreshing than a confident and self-assured woman who knows what she wants – especially under the sheets! In relationships, many a man’s ideal woman has been described as someone who is comfortable in her own skin and can also be the initiator or aggressor when it comes to physical intimacy

But what men say they want and what they really want couldn’t be more different!

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...

In my humble opinion (and I reiterate that I am the queen of stereotypical perspectives), men are actually overwhelmed and intimidated by a woman who fits the abovementioned profile. He feels insecure and pressurised when he is no longer the person in control, scared off by her intensity and seemingly belittled by her perceived demand for intimacy.

It’s neither a black nor white scenario.  Rather a large expanse of grey which means that, for now, women like me will remain in limbo – torn between being true to ourselves and trying to ultimately please our male partner.

Advertisements

Tagged: , , , ,

4 thoughts on “The big bang theory of physical intimacy

  1. Recovering Wayward October 22, 2012 at 17:49 Reply

    Reblogged this on And you may ask yourself… well… how did I get here? and commented:
    I rarely reblog about non-affair topics, but I have to reblog this one because I’ve read it on message boards and blogs over the years. nah..sorry…I don’t buy it. Frequently, women who aren’t successful in the dating world want to say that men MUST be intimidated by their job, education, confidence, whatever. The reality? Men generally don’t care what you do for a living or whether you got your BA at Smith. Men don’t care if you are really confident or not. Men want a woman who loves them, appreciates them, and makes them feel like a priority in their lives. Whether she’s a waitress or an attorney. And sometimes when a woman says she’s “confident and independent”, frequently it means she is high-maintenance, demanding, a little bitchy. And who really wants that??

    So you can have your opinion, but my observations say that it’s not correct. Attractive and loving women who seem to actually like men do just fine in the dating market. Others do not.

    Like

    • Teatart October 23, 2012 at 13:59 Reply

      Just as men want a women to love them and appreciate them, the same applies to what women want. Alot of woman want to have the option of equal footing when it comes to physical intimacy.

      True, some women do use the excuse that men must be intimidated by their career, confidence etc. if they do not do well in the dating arena and in relationships. Generally though, I feel that men are used to being the leaders and the initiators, and are sometimes uncomfortable when a woman takes this role.

      Specifically in reference to physical intimacy, I think a woman has the right to also be fulfilled. The days of the husband asking for sex from his wife and her playing the dutiful wife role by reciprocating whenever she is asked to, are long gone. A woman should be able to initiate physical intimacy and take the lead in the bedroom without fear of being accused of pressurising her man or being labelled as too demanding or intimidating.

      Like

  2. the drunken cyclist October 22, 2012 at 22:25 Reply

    Your argument has a couple of holes. First, you say that ‘many a man’ wants a woman who is ‘comfortable in her own skin and can also be the initiator or aggressor when it comes to physical intimacy.’ That certainly is plausible, but then you change it up and say:

    ‘He feels insecure and pressurised when he is no longer the person in control, scared off by her intensity and seemingly belittled by her perceived demand for intimacy.’

    Those are two different ‘women’! The first is ‘comfortable’ and ‘initiates’. The second is ‘intense’ and ‘demands’. Would you want to be around a partner that is ‘intense’ and ‘demanding’ in the sack to the point of being ‘intimidating’?

    I can not speak for all men, but what I want is a woman that is on equal footing–one who sometimes leads and at other times follows. One who is assertive yet also yielding, strong, but also vulnerable. Knowing how and when to be which is the key to physical intimacy….

    Like

    • Teatart October 23, 2012 at 13:34 Reply

      I think my point may have been lost here. I am pointing out that it seems that men say they want a woman who initiates physical intimacy, who is confident, comfortable in her own skin etc., but often that’s not what they want at all as if she is all these things, she can be perceived as being intense, demanding, pressurising and intimidating. Men have traditionally taken the lead in bedroom activities and sometimes it looks like that’s the way they want it to stay. Why should it always be the man who decides if and when he wants physical intimacy and how he wants it to play out i.e. if he takes the lead or the woman takes the lead? If a husband wants sex, he expects his wife to be willing and ready, yet if a wife wants sex it hinges on her man’s decision. Are the playing fields really level? Are women allowed to also be a little selfish in this regard?

      That said, I do agree that a balance is the ideal scenario when you say: “one who sometimes leads and at other times follows. One who is assertive yet also yielding, strong, but also vulnerable. Knowing how and when to be which is the key to physical intimacy….” :)

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: