Perceptions and gossip, with a side order of pre-judgement

Representation of consciousness from the seven...

I am a firm believer in the continuous ebb and flow of people in our lives.  Some people come into our lives and literally stay for a lifetime – others are with us for such a short time, yet they leave such a long-lasting footprint.  The same can be said for some of the people that we permit entry into our lives:  we allow them to leave behind a big mess!

I’ve allowed many of the latter into my life, only to bear the consequences long after they’ve departed.

That’s not necessarily to say that the people who leave a mess behind are bad people; it’s just that sometimes the situations we encounter with them are overly complicated and could’ve – should’ve – been avoided.

The reason I am bringing this up is because, thanks to my ability to not be discerning enough in who I let into my life and to not draw decisive enough boundaries when they are in my life, I’ve been the recent victim of the gossip grapevine. I’m not going to go into the whole sordid matter too extensively, but I will say that I’ve learnt a valuable lesson. The first lesson is simply that perceptions can become reality.

If people perceive, they believe.

"It's All A Matter of Perception" IV

Perceptions are clouded by personal biases, pre-judgement and sometimes just plain ignorance.  Ask yourself, would you really be able understand what is going in another person’s life and their relationships if you are simply peering in from the outside? Surely by doing so it could lead to conclusions being drawn without actually been privy to the whole picture? 

True, I’ve made many pre-judgements of my own without realising how inaccurate my conclusions really were.  I wonder now how many people I’ve hurt in the process?  How many reputations I may contributed to blackening? The bible is so true when it says that we are imperfect and therefore we cannot judge other’s imperfections.  So lesson number two is to try not to judge others.

Although I am still reeling from the sour aftertaste of the gossip grapevine, the positive side is that it can all be chalked up to valuable life experiences.  After all, it’s how I end the race that really counts, not the race itself!

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3 thoughts on “Perceptions and gossip, with a side order of pre-judgement

  1. reikipixie February 1, 2013 at 19:21 Reply

    Thanks for putting your pingback on our blog so that I got to read this! (and for putting a link to ours on yours)…love your article and its nice in a way to know I am not alone in being on the receiving end of some really horrid people!
    gossip based on a minor fact is one thing, gossip which is complete fiction is another. some people gossip about things that have happened, or some little titbit about someone, and this doesn’t have to have far-reaching consequences. the more harmful type is based on complete fiction – where people make up stories about someone purely out of malicious intent to cause trouble for that person, based on nothing more than their own imagination and how nasty they want to be.
    for me, it was people who are not involved with me in any way other than that I work in the same office – the perpetrators were not friends of mine, but they did pass it on to people that I thought were. I came to realise that I had let the wrong ones into a small part of my life, and they were quickly expelled. I hope the ones who gossiped about you were too!

    • Sherrie Dyer-Bracher February 4, 2013 at 17:12 Reply

      This is the second time I’ve been on the receiving end, but this time – sadly – I don’t know who the “gossipers” are. I think its the same scenario: people who are not involved with me personally. In any case, it’s always a rather unwanted wake-up call. While I’ve always been very open with people i.e. my friends and work friends about what is happening in my life, it always seems to come back and bite me in the butt.
      Thanks for sharing your comments :)

  2. reikipixie February 4, 2013 at 19:54 Reply

    most gossip always seems to be based on jealousy – I have found the key is not to share anything about my life with people at work, or with anyone who is not in my very small inner circle of trust. I can count my real friends on one hand…and since the gossip i have become incredibly closed off to anyone who is not a real friend, especially if I can tell in their eyes that they are not a nice person. the eyes really DO show what kind of person someone is, and if the smile doesnt reach them, dont trust them.

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